


Kaidan x Fem!Shep

by puppypopcornpizza



Series: Kaidan and Andy [1]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, F/M, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Smut, Swearing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-02
Updated: 2017-06-28
Packaged: 2018-09-14 05:47:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 7,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9164803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/puppypopcornpizza/pseuds/puppypopcornpizza
Summary: All the drabbles, prompt requests and whatnot I get on tumblr for my Fem!Shep, Andy, and Kaidan.





	1. "Meeting the Family"

_Andy felt like she was was about to faint._

Kaidan had told her a few days ago that he would like for her to meet his family in Vancouver, she’d been wanting to meet them too, but the thought just cause  her to feel slightly light headed. Back on the Normandy, she remembered him talking about his father and how’d they’d share beers together while overlooking the English Bay, or how his mother always wanted to travel off-planet, Andy wondered if he’d ever take her now that the war was over.

 _The war was over,_ and she survived. Hell, she never thought she’d live to this day, that she’d live to meet Kaidan’s family, to relax and grow old with him, maybe even get married to him. She smiled at the thought of her in a wedding dress and Kaidan in a tuxedo, both of them fretting about the big day and how the other feels.

_One day._

She fiddled with her hands in her lap as the shuttle took them to their destination. The final fight with the reapers had only just been a few months ago, but she still felt pain in her side if she moved too fast and the burns and scars still felt tender to the touch. When they had found her in the rubble on Earth, they’d thought she wouldn’t make it through the first few hours, yet here she was.

She glanced over at Kaidan and saw that he was practically jumping out of his seat from excitement while looking out the window of the shuttle, the smile on his face almost reminded her of a child in a candy shop. She smiled herself and looked out of the window on her side.

Vancouver was a beautiful city, even with it being rebuilt. If she looked down, all she saw was water in so many beautiful shades of blue, and when she looked up, there were so many buildings, skyscrapers and there was greenery as far as the eye can see. She loved it, it was relaxing and peaceful, it made her forget her worries. Then she saw it…

The Alliance base, the same base she was present at when the reapers attacked.

Andy felt like she was about to faint, but not because of meeting Kaidan’s family, because of the way she felt when she looked at that building that was was being rebuilt. She felt nauseous, like she would burst into tears. It was silly, wasn’t it? Wanting to cry because of a building, because of something that had happened a year ago. She wanted to laugh but she knew, those things– those _horrible_ things, they stay in the back of your mind and don’t ever leave.

She felt Kaidan’s hand on hers and looked over at him. His eyes were warm and gentle, and a small smile was on his lips. She tried her best to look as happy as he was– just to show him that she was alright, but he saw through it like he always did. She could never hide her emotions from Kaidan like how she did with others, he could always see through the mask she put on.

He laced their hands and brought her hand up to his lips.

“I’m here, you’re okay.” His words were all she needed to relax, she didn’t want to say it, but he was her anchor, he kept her grounded and sane.

The shuttle stopped and Kaidan’s childlike grin returned to his face, causing the butterflies from earlier to return to her stomach, but this time she was more excited than nervous.

“You ready?”

“As I’ll ever be”

They both began climbing out of the taxi as Kaidan started speaking. “You’re going to love my parents, they’re both military– but I’ve probably already told you that. And my dad’s going to be so excited to meet you, he’s been talking about it since I mentioned that we were visiting– my mom too, but she’ll probably just want to tell you embarrassing stuff about me.” He paused for a moment. “On second thought, maybe try to stay away from my mom. Oh! Rose– my little sister, she’s excited too, told me that she’d die if she didn’t get to meet you. Damn, I forgot to tell you about my little sister… Well she’s actually not little, she’s 25 but I still think of her as a little sister.”

Shepard saw him open his mouth to talk again and she stopped him. “Kaidan _breathe_.” She laughed and entwined their fingers as they made their way to the cafe where they were to to meet his parents, and apparently his sister too.

Kaidan took a deep breath and squeezed her hand in his. “I’m just… Nervous, you know? I’m happy but… nervous. I haven’t seen them since before I left to serve on the SR1– I kept contact, but didn’t actually see them.” He sighed and ruffled his hair with his free hand. “I missed them, Shepard.”

“But you’re going to see them in a few seconds so calm down.” She smiled as he looked to her. “I’m here, you’re okay.”

* * *

The smell of coffee was strong when they took their first steps into the cafe, Andy could imagine how happy Kaidan was because of the smell. She saw him search glance around the cafe for familiar faces and eventually find what he was looking for, his mouth opened slightly and she could see a glint in his eyes.

She followed his gaze to three people sitting in the corner of the cafe at a booth. There were a couple sitting together, the woman with short dark hair like Kaidan’s, and the man with grey hair trimmed to a buzzcut. They were facing a girl that had her back to Kaidan and Andy, she had long red hair tied into a ponytail.

She heard Kaidan take a deep breath and she did the same, her stomach still tingling with nerves. She gave Kaidan’s hand a reassuring squeeze as they made their way to the booth, and felt him squeeze her hand in response.

The woman with the dark hair– who Andy assumed was Kaidan’s mother – was the first to see them walking towards the booth. She smiled and nudged her elbow into her husband’s side, causing both him and the girl in front of them to look towards the couple walking towards them.

The rest was very much a blur of hugs and kisses on the cheek to Andy. Kaidan had said his hello’s and introduced her to them.

“So Andy, these are my parents–” He held her hand in his and gestured to his parents. “Victor and Scarlette Alenko. And this is my sister Rose.” Andy smiled at them and shook each of their hands, receiving another hug and kiss from Scarlette and a comment on how bad-ass she is from Rose.

“You two have to come have dinner with us tonight!” Scarlette’s face lit up even more as a smile spread across her lips. “I can tell you about how Kaids used his biotics to float the cat up to the roof once, or when he ran around naked–”

“Mom!” Kaidan half joked. “Please don’t tell her _anything_ like that.”

Her response was her sticking her nose up at him and making her way to the front counter to pay.

“So Andy.” Kaidan’s father began and Andy followed him to a spot near the door of the cafe. “Has Kaidan here ever told you about how we shared beers while overlooking the English Bay?”

“One of his favorite stories to tell, sir.”

His chuckled and placed his hand on her shoulder gently. “I think I’m done with being called ‘sir’ for one lifetime, it’s just Victor to you.”

“Yes, si– Victor.”

He glanced between her and Kaidan, smiled, and made his way to where his wife was. Andy glanced at Kaidan, and saw that he was smiling at her while talking to his sister. She smiled back but suddenly heard a very familiar sound that made her want to curl up into a ball and cry.

She searched around and suddenly felt claustrophobic.

_It’s not a reaper._

_It’s a garbage can, calm down._

She glanced at Kaidan again and saw worry begin to show in his features. She was selfish, this was supposed to be about meeting Kaidan’s family now she was going to cause a scene because of a stupid sound that reminded her of a reaper.

She backed up to the door and quickly made her way out, gasping for air once she was outside, luckily no one was around to see her. She looked up at the sky and saw blue, clear skies. No reapers, just clouds.

“It’s blue.” She gasped and bent over putting her hands on her knees. “It’s blue. They’re just clouds–”

“You’re okay.” She felt Kaidan’s hand on her shoulder, rubbing small circles with his thumb. “ _You’re okay_.” He whispered to her.

She stood up straight and looked to him. “Kaidan, I’m so sorr–”

She felt his arms wrap around her shoulders, and feel him nuzzle his face into her hair.

“It’s alright, all that matters is that you’re here.” He whispered. “You’re okay.”

She took a deep breath, inhaling his scent as if it would help her feel safer. It did make her feel safer.

“I’m okay.”


	2. "You're perfect for me"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: NSFW. Like seriously NSFW.

The vid played on the TV in her apartment, completely forgotten along with a few bottles of wine and their empty plates from dinner.

 _‘Sta'Male”_ The turian on the TV spoke  _“You are perfect for me, you quarian and I turian, we fit like puzzle pieces.”_

Andy had suggested they her and Kaidan have a little dinner together, though the Major had other plans. As soon as they’d finished their dinner, he was on her – he had her pinned under him on the sofa, his one hand roamed her body while the other was planted above her head so he wouldn’t crush her with his weight. He nibbled his way down her neck, sometimes stopping and sucking – which emitted a small hiss of pain and pleasure from the woman under him.

 _“Heirax, when will you learn?”_ Shepard moaned when he ground his pelvis into her aching centre.  _“We are too different, we cannot be.”_

“Kaidan.” Andy breathed into Kaidan’s ear, which caused shivers down his back. “If you’re not inside me in the next two seconds, I’ll–” 

He nibbled his way up to her ear, which caused another moan to escape her. “You’ll do what?” He purred while teasing his hand under her tight dress. 

She gripped his shirt tightly when his hand made it to her clothed sex, he traced lightly over the outlines of her underwear, causing her to visibly shudder. 

“Fucking _fuck_.” She cursed. “You are a fucking ass.”

He chuckled and spoke, “An ass with a great ass.” she giggled after he said the words, but her giggles soon turned to a long moan as he slipped a finger inside of her. 

She pulled him down and kissed him hard as he slipped another finger inside her, and began circling her clit with slow, steady movements. 

He hips rutted against his hand to try and create more friction, her kisses became desperate and her grip on his shirt never faltered. 

Moments later, he felt her go rigid under him as her breath began to labour and she started making small, high pitched noises. 

When had ridden out her orgasm completely, he kissed her sweetly, smiling down at her as she gave him a half dozed smile. 

She looked towards her right at the TV, the credits were rolling up the screen. “Well, Tali might’ve been a little incorrect about Fleet and the Flotilla making a person want to _‘howl from sadness’_ ” She laughed. 

A moment passed before a mischievous smile played on Kaidan’s lips. “I can think of other ways to make a person howl.” She gave him a small smirk. 

“You do plan on showing them to me, right?” 

“Oh, _definitely_.”


	3. "That isn't water in the bottle, is it?"

Andy stood facing the kitchen counter, with a water bottle in one hand and a liquor bottle in the other. It was late, so everyone had gone to sleep – the perfect time to sneak some alcohol.

“Shepard?” Andy almost dropped the bottles at hearing Garrus’ voice.

She hid the liquor bottle behind a box of cookies on the counter. “Yeah Garrus?” She turned around and leaned against the counter, trying to obscure his sight from the bottle.

“I thought everyone was asleep.” He watched her with a curious expression, well as curious as a Turian can look, anyhow. “What are you doing up?”

Shepard reached for the water bottle behind her. “Getting some water, see?” She took a sip from the contents, failing to hide the disgusted expression on her face.

“That’s not water in that bottle, is it?” He spoke in a slightly concerned tone. 

She sighed in defeat and put the bottle back on the counter. “No, it’s not.” 

When she didn’t continue speaking, Garrus went to stand in front of her, leaning on the counter opposite from her. “Talk to me.” He spoke gently. “What’s wrong?”

She thought for a bit before speaking. “I screwed up, didn’t I? Joining Cerberus, turning my back on the Alliance. I screwed it all up.”

“Shep–Andy.” He corrected himself, realizing that right now, she didn’t need a squad mate, but a friend. “Andy, you didn’t screw up. Look at what you’ve done. _How much_ you’ve done, taking down a Thresher Maw? Trying to talk your way out of a fight – and most likely putting your neck on the line, to save someone? Does that sound like someone who’s screwed up?”

“What about someone who’s joined up with terrorists? Someone who’s made the one they love so pissed that they won’t even look at them?” She said dryly, reaching for the bottle behind the box of cookies.

Garrus watched her take a sip of the contents, realization dawning on him. “This is about Alenko, isn’t it?” She coughed after Garrus had said the words. Of course she was that easy to read, of course. 

After she’d recovered from her coughing fits, she spoke. “It’s just…” She trailed off, struggling to find the proper words. “The way he spoke – that _look_ he gave me, like-like I betrayed him.” She stuttered, this didn’t feel right, talking about her feeling to someone. It just wasn’t like her.

“You’ve got to give him time, you were gone for two years.” He went to stand next to her. “He’s still in shock, he’s going to have a few doubts. Hell, _I_ had doubts at first.” He spoke in a matter-of-factly tone. “He’ll come around.”

“I know, I just–” She cut herself off, but started again. “I miss him so much.” She spoke softly, Garrus almost didn’t hear her.

He was shocked, _stunned_. Garrus hadn’t seen her like this in… Hell, _ever._ Andy was so good at keeping her emotions in check, that it was rare to ever see her breakdown. Seeing her like _this,_ it made him feel horrible.

“Hey.” He put an arm around her, pulling her towards him. “Hey, it’s gonna be OK.” He assured. “You shouldn’t be worrying, Kaidan loves you like _crazy_. He just needs to figure everything out.”

When she didn’t speak, he carried on.

“You two’ll be alright. I saw the puppy eyes he gave you back on the SR-1 – tried talking to him once while he was staring, Tali had to splash him with some water to get him to focus.” Garrus chuckled when he felt her laugh softly in his arm. “Forget crazy, he’s  _nuts_ about you.”

She put a arm around his waist and embraced him. Surprised at first, but figuring out what she was doing, he put his other arm around her and returned the hug.

“Thanks a lot, Garrus.” 

“Don’t mention it.” 

She let go of him and reached behind him to get the water bottle filled with alcohol. 

“You’re still gonna drink that?”

“Yup.”

“After that whole ‘it’ll be alright’ talk I just gave you, you’re still gonna drink that?”

She was already making her way back to the elevator. She turned around, walking backwards while drinking from the bottle.

He only chuckled at her. “You two are a match made in heaven.”


	4. “Will you just shut up for a minute and let me think?!”

He paced her cabin slowly, fumbling with her dogtags in his hands. Kaidan felt like he wanted to cry, _sob_. He’d just gotten Andy back, now this: Reapers. He should have held her back, told her not to go. Told her he loved her more than anything. 

He looked down at the dogtags in in hands, _her dogtags_. When they spoke back in London a few months ago, she’d told him that they should swap tags. 

_It’ll be for luck. A little piece of me with you._

Her words rang in his head, just another reminder of why he failed her. Let her _die_.

“Fuck.” He whispered in a shaky voice, a tear escaping his eye as he gripped the tags as tightly as he could. He went to sit down at the foot of the bed, turning the tags over in his hands.

_Shepard. A_

_NOR-SR1_

He ran his fingers over her name, a small sob escaping him as he began to cry. His head in his hands as he tried to quiet himself.

“Kaidan.” Garrus’ voice echoed throughout the room from the comm. Kaidan wiped his eyes, stood from the bed, and made his way to the intercom.

“Yeah Garrus?” He tried to keep the traces of crying from his voice best he could.

Garrus was quiet, but he heard whispers and shuffling. After a moment, he spoke. “I think it’d be better if you come see yourself. Meet me on the bridge.”

“Alright.”

Kaidan sighed and made his way to the door, putting the tags around his neck.

* * *

When Kaidan got to the bridge, he found Garrus talking to Joker. More arguing than talking, actually.

“Vakarian, would you just shut up for a minute and let me think?!” Joker snapped.

Garrus let out a frustrated sigh, and walked over to Kaidan. The months hadn’t been kind on the Turian either, he spent even more time working on his guns and the ship. Only talking to people when it was necessary.

“Get anything from Palaven yet?” Kaidan asked as Garrus started pacing in front of him.

“They’re rebuilding.” Garrus stopped his pacing. “Reapers left one helluva mess to clean up.” 

“Yeah, they did.”

“Kaidan.” Garrus spoke with sympathy. “How are you doing?”

“I’m OK.” Kaidan said, confused at his friend’s sudden desire to talk. 

“I know her leaving again was… _difficult_ , to say the least.”

“Yeah.” Kaidan struggled to keep his voice even. “It was.”

“You know Shepard.” Garrus tried to joke. “Give it a few years, and she’ll be back up and kicking ass again in no time.”

“Garrus-”

“I got it!” Joker exclaimed, he looked back at the two men behind him. “Hackett’s available at the vid com.”

“You are a damn genius!” Garrus said to Joker.

“The hell’s happening?” Kaidan asked. “You got it fixed?”

“Yeah I did.” Joker said in a cocky tone. “Now get your asses to the vid com, Hackett’s got something to tell you.”

With a confused expression, Kaidan looked to his side to expect Garrus to be standing there. When he wasn’t there, he turned around and found the Turian making his way to the vid com with quick steps. Kaidan quickly caught up with him, and the two made their way to their destination. 

* * *

When they reached the vid com, Garrus quickly connected Hackett.

“Good to see that you’re both still kicking.”

“More or less, sir.” Kaidan replied, hearing a small laugh from someone else over the vid com. A familiar laugh.

“Someone with you, Admiral?” Garrus asked.

“You can hear about that later, right now we need to know where you are.”

“Just reached Sol, sir.” Kaidan explained. “We’re headed to Earth.”

“Great, I’ll have people ready for you when you arrive.”

“Have you established connection with the other planets yet?” Garrus inquired.

“Most of them, it’s going to be a while before we get in connection with planets like Thessia or Sur’Kesh. It’s tough, but we’re getting there.”

“Glad to hear.” Garrus said. “What about the Citadel?”

“We’re keeping it in Sol until the repairs are done. Easier that way.”

“And,” Kaidan spoke up. “what about…What about Shepard?”

“We found her on the Citadel…” Hackett trailed off, talking to someone next to him. 

“Actually,” He began. “I’ll have someone else inform you of that.”

Kaidan and Garrus wore confused expressions. There was a shuffling before a figure stood in Hackett’s place. A moment passed before the figure was focused on.

“Andy?” The men said in unison.


	5. “Um… why are your hands on my ass?”

The music echoed throughout her cabin. Andy went about the room, hips swaying slightly with a drink in one hand, and a report in the other. She hummed along to the music, only stopping to sip the contents of the glass in her right hand.

The door to her cabin opened, knowing who it was, she continued swaying her hips, slightly more than before.

Kaidan stood at the top of the stairs, arms crossed over his chest while he leaned against the column to his right. A small smile spread across his face as he watched her sway from side to side, with her back to him.

With slow steps, he made his way towards her, putting his arms around her shoulders when he reached her.

Her swaying slowed, but did not come to a halt.They rocked in place for a bit before Kaidan planted a kiss on her cheek.

She ducked under his arms and made her way to the desk to set the glass and the report on its surface. She then made her way back to him, and put her arms low around his waist and began swaying again. He followed, draping his arms over her shoulders.

“There a reason that we’re slow dancing in your cabin?” He asked after a while, feeling her hands drift lower, just above his ass.

“Does there have to be a reason?” She purred, while tickling his lower back.

“Well, no but-” He paused when he felt her hands on his ass. He felt his cheeks begin to warm, and he watched as a small smirk appeared on her lips.

“But?” She asked innocently, he felt a squeeze, and the smirk on her face turned to a grin. A small chuckle escaped him.“Something wrong, _Major?_ ”

The way she purred his title made him feel like he’d melt. Her busy hands didn’t help with the situation either.

“Oh nothing.” He smiled, trying to hide his embarrassment. “I’ve got a question though.”

“Shoot.”

“What are your hands doing on my ass?”

“Squeezing it.”

He chuckled at her bluntness. “Right, of course. What else would they be doing.”

“I could tell you about what they _could_ be doing.”

“I think I’d rather you show me.” He purred, backing her up to the bed.

“I can do that.”


	6. "I believe in you."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ME2 - Post-Horizon

Andy listened to the tune that was playing as she went through a box she had found that had been long untouched. The box was filled with books, cards, medals, you name it. She’d almost forgotten that she had it. 

She hadn’t come across it by accident, no, she spent more than a few hours searching her cabin for the box, looking for a letter that was inside. 

It was from Kaidan, she remembered the words written on it clearly. After hearing his words on Horizon – hearing how he felt that she’d betrayed him, she needed something to calm her, she needed to dwell on a time when he still loved her. 

If he ever did at all. 

She found the letter in a fairytale book, on a page where the prince had just married his princess. She remembered putting it there before the battle with Saren, thinking that she and Kaidan would be married once all the fighting was over. Silly hopeless romantic she was. 

He wrote it on paper, knowing that she preferred actually holding the letter that reading it off her omni-tool. His handwriting was simple, the words rarely connected and she could feel the dents in the paper over the words. 

She chuckled to herself, _he was nervous when he wrote this_. 

She stood from the floor and made her way to the bed, crossing her legs once she sat in the middle of it. 

“’Dearest Andy’.” She began reading the letter aloud, running her fingers over where he’d crossed something out or added a small note. 

“’We fight Saren tomorrow, and I’m writing this as you sleep and I’m really having a hard time keeping my eyes off you and on the paper. I remember you telling me how you prefer paper and books to digital or electronic, so I’m writing this for you in hopes that you’ll find it some time before the battle.’” She smiled, she did find it before leaving. He left it under the same fairytale book that she kept it in. 

“’You know, I’m not the best at this – with words, I don’t even know why I decided to do this. But then I remember that I love you, and would probably face a Reaper alone if it meant you’d be safe.’” 

“’I just want you to know that I believe in you, I know you’ll be able to do this. I’ve heard you talking to yourself – telling yourself how you won’t make it but I know you can, you’re the best damn Commander in the galaxy and the woman I love, you’ll make it through this no matter how much you believe you won’t.” She set the letter on the bed as her eyes began to tear up and she felt anger begin to build. If he loved her so much, why did he call her a traitor? Why did he say that he believed in her then, but not now?

She put her head in her hands as more tears began to fall down her cheeks. Silly girl, _stupid stupid stupid_. Why did she have to fall for him? Those kind eyes and his gentle voice, why did she believe him? 

Why did she love him?


	7. “No, you don't get a choice.”

Ashley grunted as her back hit the floor of the cargo bay, she glared when she heard Garrus snicker in his place by the Mako.

“C’mon Ash.” Andy panted as she helped Ashley to her feet. “Where’s your head today?”

“I’d return that statement with something sassy but I’m too tired to think right now… Ma’am.” Andy laughed and handed her a bottle of water.

“Well, who am I supposed to spar with? You’re the only one who offered.”

“And I regret that very much–”

Both their attentions snapped to the elevator as it opened, Kaidan stepped out with a confused expression on his face as he saw the two woman staring at him.

“Do I have something on my face?”

Ashley laughed as she walked past him to the elevator. “No, but you will soon.”

The confusion in Kaidan’s face only stayed as he saw the mischievous smile on Andy’s lips.

“So, what would you say to a small sparring match?” Then it dawned on him.

“Which means I get my ass kicked? Yeah, no thank you.” He turned to the elevator but paused when he felt her fingers around his wrist. He sighed and turned back to her.

“I don’t get a choice, do I?”

“Nope, you do not get a choice.”

Kaidan chuckled and turned to her, he leaned towards her with his lips an inch from hers. He watched her go tense and her lips parted as they locked eyes.

“Alright Commander, I’m not going to go easy on you, though.” He whispered and saw that she bit her lip when he leaned a bit closer to her. Her breath ghosted over his lips and he fought the urge to kiss her right there.

“S-should be fun.” A blush spread across her cheeks and down her neck. A smirk appeared on his lips as he saw the pink tint on her cheeks, he got a certain sense of pride when he made her blush like that – the great Commander Shepard blushing and stuttering, because of _him._

“Hey! Shepard’s cabin is upstairs if you two want to ‘wrestle’.” Wrex shouted from the lockers.

They stepped away from each other and Wrex barked out a laugh when Kaidan brought his hand to the back of his neck and Andy cleared her throat.

“Let’s start then, something simple?” She threw a roll of bandages to him to wrap around his hands and wrists.

“Yeah, something simple.”

The match ended with Andy straddling him as she pinned his hands above his head.


	8. Zip Me

Andy giggled as Kaidan huffed and threw the deep red suit jacket on the bed. 

He glanced at her and at how she sat on the bed, a smirk was on her lips she sat with her knees pulled up to her chest, he knew that she did this deliberately because she was only wearing one of his shirts and her legs were bare. She knew his eyes would wonder and she loved it. 

“Do I really have to try on all these suits?” He licked his lips and made his way to the bed, chuckling when she put her bare legs on his lap once he was seated. She still had scars on her legs from the Citadel, it may have been a year but every time he touched them she flinched away like it was painful. She was getting better, though. 

“You do, it’s you parents’ 30th anniversary, you must look like the best dressed there.” She laced their fingers together and he ran his thumb over her knuckles.

“They won’t mind, you know.” 

“Well, it can’t hurt to look pretty.”

They fell into a silence and he glanced at her to see a sad expression on her face. He brought a hand to her cheek so she could look up at him. 

“What’s wrong?”

“I-” She stopped and looked away from him. “Nothing, I’m fine.” 

“You’re not, you doing it again.”

“Doing what?” She raised a brow at him. 

“Hiding your emotions, how you feel. You’re not in the Alliance anymore, Andy. You’re allowed to feel things.” She glanced at him again before standing from the bed. 

“I know.” She picked up the deep red jacket from the bed and went to retrieve an almost black, navy jacket from the small chair in the corner of their bedroom. He followed her and she turned to him, motioning for him to turn around as she helped him into the jacket. 

“I’m nervous, I suppose? I mean, we haven’t seen them in a few months, what if they forget what I look like? What if Rose got married?” 

“What?” His voice cracked slightly. He knew that she was only joking but even the thought of him missing his little sisters’ wedding made him paranoid.

“Calm down.” She laughed as she motioned for him to turn to her and she began buttoning the jacket. 

“I’m just nervous, okay? Nothing serious.” 

“I don’t believe you so I’m going to have to make sure myself.” She squealed as he picked her up and carried her to the bed. 

“What are you doing?” She giggled as he set her down and straddled her. 

“Making sure you’re okay.” He placed a kiss on her nose, across her cheeks, then began moving down her neck. 

“K-Kaidan. No, please.” She gripped him by the shoulders and he came back up to her face. 

“I-I’m sorry. I-I’m just n-not ready.”

He smiled gently at her and softly pressed his lips to hers. 

“Only when you’re ready.” 


	9. "I don't know whether to kiss or slap you."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Slightly* NSFW

“Damn Alenko, I don’t know whether to kiss or slap you!” Andy heard James shout from the lounge as she was making her way to the elevator. _They must be playing poker again_ , she thought. 

She raised a brow at the door when she heard a shush coming from the other side. She _was_ going to leave them alone, but now she was curious. 

She made her way to the door and it opened to reveal Kaidan looking as he had just stopped in his tracks and James sprawled out on the couch. 

“Gentlemen,” she smirked when she saw Kaidan turn to her with a blush spread across his cheeks. James, however, had the biggest grin on his face. 

“I hope I’m not interrupting anything? I can go if you–” 

“No! Commander, it’s – nothing. You aren’t disturbing anything.” Kaidan stuttered which only caused James to look even more delighted than before. 

She made her way into the room and sat next to James, Kaidan had only seemed to look more uncomfortable once she took a seat. 

“Something wrong, Spectre? You seem tense.” she leaned back in the couch and waited for his answer. This was fun – she had to admit but seeing Kaidan so tense and uncomfortable didn’t bring her much joy, unless she was the cause but that was a different story. 

“Nothing, ma’am. Just thinking about… things.” 

“C’mon, even _I_ can tell that’s bullshit – and I’ve been listening to you go on about–” James cut himself off and looked to Kaidan sheepishly when the biotic shot him a glare, “It’s nothing important, Lola.” 

“Alright, I get it. I shouldn’t be here because you two are having a little gossip session.” she joked, “I’ll just get out of your hair.” 

She stood from the couch and made her way to the door, lightly pecking Kaidan on the cheek which earned a whistle from James behind them. 

Once the commander had left and they were both sure she was out of earshot, Kaidan released a breath he hadn’t even realised he was holding. He glared at James once more, earning another look of shame from the man. 

“Why don’t you just tell her I’m planning on asking her to marry me while you’re at it? You seem pretty keen on telling her everything else!” 

“Hey, calm down tiger. It was a slip of the tongue…” the grin returned to James’ face, “I’m sure she’ll enjoy your slip of the tongue tonight, though.” 

Kaidan ran a hand down his face and groaned. 

“I never should have told you what I had planned for tonight, of course you’d make it sexual.” 

“Well, isn’t it going to be?” 

“Uh, yeah but–” 

“Then you see my point.” 

“I hate you, Vega.” 

“Love you too, Kaidan.” 


	10. "I have you shoved against the wall but now I can’t stop looking at your mouth"

_This wasn’t supposed to happen._

Kaidan repeated the words in his head, over and over again. He didn’t mean to come into her quarters unexpected. He didn’t mean to be here when she had just come out of the shower with her towel still wrapped around her body, the water droplets still on her skin. 

But here they were – her back flush against the fish tank, his hands either side her head, staring into each other’s eyes, at each other’s lips. He struggled to keep his gaze from her lips. 

“I want you,” her voice was low, he felt her wrap her fingers around the front of his collar to pull him closer. 

“Andy, we said we’d wait,” he balled his hands into fists in an attempt to fight off the temptation. It didn’t work. 

“To hell with what we said, I _need_ you. I’ve _needed_ you for two years. _Please,_ Kaidan.” 

There was a moment of hesitation before she pulled him down to her, their lips crashed into each other, they both moaned into the kiss. Kaidan’s hands went from the fish tank to her body, roaming every inch of it. He pushed back towards the fish tank and she wrapped her legs around his waist, the towel almost undone. 

He felt her untuck his t-shirt and quickly helped pull it off before his mouth returned to hers. His kisses trailed off to her cheek, along her jaw, and down her neck before he reached the towel’s edge. 

He trailed kisses back to her ear, nibbling softly for a moment before stopping. 

“Your towel,” he whispered. 

“I’m sure I don’t have to do _everything_ for you,” she whispered back and it sent shivers down his spine. 

Gripping her by the thighs, he waited for her to wrap her arms around his neck before making his way to the bed. He laid her down, the damned towel was still around her body. 

Pulling gently at the edge, he peeled the damp towel off Andy to reveal… James?

* * *

“What the hell?!” Kaidan shot up from the couch. 

_That’s right, he fell asleep in the lounge after a headache began to form._

_He never went to see Andy._

Fuck!

He wiped his eyes with his forefinger and thumb before glancing at James, who was wearing an annoying smirk on his lips. 

“What?” he didn’t mean to sound so irritated. 

“You need to talk to the commander, it’s unsafe for children to be around you when you’re sleeping. You say things.”

Kaidan felt his cheeks warm. 

“Can you… maybe not tell anyone about this? Forget that it ever happened?” Kaidan paused. “Give me to the reapers, I’ll feel better then.” 

“Don’t worry, nobody’s gonna know.” 

“Thank–” 

“ _If_ you tell her,” James finished, Kaidan only looked at him before sighing. 

“It’s not that simple, Vega. We agreed to wait.” 

“Why?” 

Kaidan blinked, why did they say they’d wait?

“I… actually don’t know. I think she isn’t ready.” 

“Not ready my ass, do you know who she’d constantly talk about when you were in the hospital. _You_. Hell, she wouldn’t shut up about how worried she was about you, about how much she loves you – don’t tell her I said that.”

“When did you become a Mr. Know - It - All about relationships?” Kaidan joked. 

“When you idiotas got too out of hand with the flirting and the looks. Yeah, it’s cute, but _there is a line._ ”

“Yeah, I’ll go talk to her.” 

“And don’t come back unless you’ve done something, or if she’s kicked you out.” 

“Very wise, James.” 

“Dr. Vega, provider of love advice.” 

“Mhm hmm.” 


	11. 7. routine kisses where the other person presents their cheek/forehead for the hello/goodbye kiss without even looking up from what they’re doing

“C’mon Alenko, just one more game?” Kaidan knew from James’ smug demeanour that it would in fact, not be one more game if he stayed. He’d already lost two poker games that night, he wouldn’t lose another and embarrass himself further in front of half of the crew _and_ the commander.

Kaidan glanced at Andy across the table as he stood, she chuckled once she saw his annoyed expression. His annoyance instantly faded when he saw the small smile on her lips.

This woman was so powerful over him and she didn’t even know it.

He rounded the table and made his way to the door, stopping next to Andy to give her a peck on the cheek before leaving. She tilted her head to the side slightly and he briefly kissed her cheek, giving her a small squeeze on her shoulder. He only half registered what he was doing.

* * *

Once Kaidan left, the game began again. Joker started dealing out the cards as the rest of them chattered to pass the time.

“Hey Andy, I’m glad you two are back together. Seeing you and Kaidan as just friends just felt wrong,” Joker placed a hand down in front of Garrus.

“Yeah,” the turian agreed. “We’re glad you guys worked everything out after Horizon.”

Andy resisted the urge to burst out laughing. What were they talking about? Kaidan and her weren’t together, what gave off the impression that they were?

“What-” she laughed. “What are you talking about? We aren’t together.” _Well, that certainly got a few looks. Why would they–_

Then it dawned on her.

_The kiss._

Kaidan pecked her on the cheek, she hardly even noticed. They did it so often when they were together, it must have just come naturally.

Maybe he did it on purpose? Was it just an impulse? Did he do it absent-mindedly like how she tilted her head to let him?

“Oh no,” she whispered as she stared blankly in front of her.

“Shepard,” Liara’s voice snapped her from her thoughts. “You two really need to talk to each other. According to James, Kaidan’s been having… dreams.”

Andy raised a brow at James and Liara. “Dreams.”

“ _Dreams_ ,” James repeated.

“Oh.”

“I did tell him to speak to you, the man never listens to me,” James picked up his hand, the rest of them did the same.

“I’ll… I’ll talk to him later,” Andy mused. “I mean, it’s not that it’s unexpected. He did tell me things at the hospital. I don’t know how I didn’t… see.”

“You two are complicado as hell, seriously,” James laughed.

Andy sighed, “Trust me, I know.”

“Yeah, I think we _all_ know, commander.”

“Thanks for that insight, Joker.”

“Anytime.”


	12. Whisky

Andy heard commanders rallying their troops, soldiers praying – saying their goodbyes. She shook James’ hand and struggled not to cry, said her own goodbyes to her crew, former and present.

Then she went to speak with Kaidan.

She watched the man talk to one of his biotics before they left, his attention now fully on her. Warm, gentle whisky eyes drawing her closer. Would it be bad for a commander to sob into a spectre’s chest in the middle of everything?  

Just as she made her way to him, a familiar noise sounded. The sound of the Reaper sent shivers down her spine.

Kaidan had a sympathetic look in his eyes, god, she could just get lost in them. How they crinkled in the corners when he smiled or laughed, the way they glowed just after a fight. They were entrancing.  

As he spoke, she kept her gaze on his eyes. She memorized their shape, theWhiskyir specific colour, the emotion in them.

Then he kissed her, she wanted to sob. His lips were warm and gentle against hers and she all but melted into the kiss. If it weren’t for their armour, she’d be feeling his hands on the small of her back, her hands would be roaming his chest, relishing in the warmth under his clothes.

But then the kiss was over, she had to go. She closed her eyes and imagined his whisky coloured eyes.

“Choose wisly, commander.”

Beaten, bruised, broken. She stood before the three choices, destroy, control, or merge. Why was the fate of so many people left to the choice of one person, her?

She limped her way to her choice, grunting with effort and pain as she attempted to make her way up the slope.

She closed her eyes and saw him. Kaidan with that gentle smile on his lips, his whisky coloured eyes.

Then she shot.


	13. We love you

A piece of paper folded in half sat on her desk, Kaidan yawned as he made his way from the bed to where it sat. Andy must have left early and left a letter for him? He unfolded the paper and began reading, tears threatening to spill from his eyes as he read over the words written in a shaky script. 

> _So today’s the day. In a few hours we’ll be fighting for freedom, for the lives of millions – billions – of people. I’m getting nervous just thinking about it._
> 
> _I’ve thought about how this would go down for what feels like a million times already, we win and everyone’s happy and celebrates, or we lose and the galaxy we all know and love comes to an untimely end, or some miracle happens and the reapers decide to have mercy, or something completely out of the ordinary happens… actually scratch that last one, none of this shit has been ordinary and I doubt anything weirder could happen._
> 
> _I’m getting off topic, my point is that we don’t know what will happen during this fight. People won’t make it, some will live to tell the tale… God, I wish this was easier._
> 
> _Kaidan, I don’t think I’ll make it through today. I keep hoping and trying to be optimistic but I just can’t, I know that I’m going to die. And the thought of you going through my death again makes me hate myself, I want to fight even harder to live and see you again but I can’t shake this feeling in my stomach that today’s the last time I’ll see you._
> 
> _I’m going to fight hard today, I’m going to push myself until I see your eyes, that smile, until I feel your touch and hear your voice._
> 
> _There was also something else but it can wait, I’ll see you on the battlefield._
> 
> _We love you, I’ll make sure that they meet you one day._
> 
> _Andy_

Kaidan wiped his eyes and read the letter once more, he memorised the way she rounded her letters and formed them. Andy wasn’t the greatest when it came to expressing emotions but this… it was beautiful. 

It was hell. 

He read over the letter once more and his eyes landed on one sentence.

_We love you, I’ll make sure that they meet you one day._

He wanted to think it meant something else, anything else. He didn’t want to believe it because it made him as afraid as it made him excited. 

_The woman was about to go fight a fucking war while she was pregnant, she was crazy. And he knew he couldn’t do anything about it._

_That didn’t mean he wouldn’t try._


	14. ❝ i don’t want to feel this way about anyone else. ❞

Kaidan took deep breaths as Andy walked up to him, the happiness he’d usually feel when he saw her was replaced by fear.

_She was carrying their child. She was about to go fight reapers with their child inside of her._

“You’re looking grim as–”

“You don’t have to do this,” he cut her remark off. She frowned at him before lowering her gaze to the ground.

“Who else will? Who’s going to say ‘damn everything’ and run head first at the reapers?” she raised a brow at him.

“Me? Someone else? I don’t know, I just… I want both of you to be safe,” he glanced at her stomach. “I don’t want to lose you again, I don’t want to feel this way about anyone else.”

He glanced up and they locked eyes, he watched a tear fall from her eye and pulled her into his arms.

“I’m going to fight like hell to hold you again, and when I do, I won’t let go,” he whispered in a shaky voice.

Kaidan was on the verge of tears – nevermind on the verge of, he  _was_ crying. Letting her go would mean sending her to hell and just  _hoping_ for the best.

“I love you,” she pressed her mouth to his. “We may be old soldiers but we can still give them hell in a fight.”

“Yeah,” he let go of her and she stepped back. He released her hand.

He let her go that day and he couldn’t have regretted it more.


End file.
